When I Thought My Body Was At War Against Me
How Chronic Illness Burnout Became My Path to Healing
In 2017, everything changed for me. I was at a crossroads—transitioning out of my acting career to something more stable, less hustle-culture-focused. But then, I started experiencing mystery symptoms: relentless fatigue, brain fog, joint pain, weight gain, and GI distress. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t “push through” anymore.
At the time, it felt like my body was at war with me, as if I was losing control. The exhaustion was unlike anything I’d ever experienced, and my health issues piled on top of one another. Hashimoto’s, sleep disorders like obstructive sleep apnea and idiopathic hypersomnia, and eventually gastroparesis from a car accident—I was struggling on all fronts. It felt like my body had declared mutiny.
But now I see it differently. I realize that what seemed like my body revolting was actually a gift in disguise. My body was asking me to slow down, listen, and pay attention to the signals I had ignored for so long. It was calling me back to myself in ways I hadn’t imagined possible.
I had grown up in a culture that taught me to separate myself from my body. I learned to push through discomfort, ignore pain, and stay productive even when it hurt (side note: I didn’t learn till I was in my 30s that your period…shouldn’t hurt!? And that taking birth control—while I am a big proponent of reproductive freedom—only delays the onset of bigger problems. That will be a story for another post!). But what I now know is that my symptoms weren’t the enemy. They were messages from my body—she was asking for care and attention. My body was teaching me to feel into my experiences and to embrace the healing power of embodiment.
The journey from physical dissociation to deep embodiment was the true gift.
It wasn’t easy. At the time, I left my job and went on disability because I could no longer function the way I used to. My nervous system was constantly in fight-or-flight mode. I felt disempowered by my circumstances. But slowly, I learned to see my symptoms not as battles to be fought but as signs that my body—with the right support—needed to be tended to. This was the beginning of a radical transformation in my relationship with her.
I realized my body wasn’t against me; she was on my side. My symptoms were there to protect me. They were my body’s way of communicating what I had overlooked for too long. I was being offered a chance to come back into alignment with myself, and to heal from the inside out.
This is why I do the work I do today. As a (board-certified, ahem!) Chronic Illness Coach, I help others facing chronic illness, burnout, and deep exhaustion reclaim their relationship with their bodies. I understand what it feels like to be overwhelmed, lost, and physically depleted. But I also know the incredible power that comes from learning to listen to your body and understanding its messages. Or at the very least, pausing and asking what it has to teach you.
I want to ask you: Have you ever felt like your body was working against you? What has that experience taught you about yourself and your relationship with your body?
Share your thoughts—I’m here to listen.
With love,
Lauren x